Friday, July 4, 2008

Its early morning on a holiday and nobody is awake yet. I'm enjoying a rich cup of coffee and looking around the lovely home Joe provides for us and working on being in the moment, feeling the physicality of my body in a blessed and happy state of mind as much as I am working on feeling the same when I am anxious or grief stricken. There is warmth. Looseness. A greater alertness and awareness of my surroundings. Deep relaxation and yet plenty of energy. Its so nice.

Its really my least favorite time of year right now. I am not a fan of the heat nor the long summers we have here. I like tempermental weather. Give me a melancholy rain that makes me want to huddle on the floor and play Uno with Alex with a pot of stew on the stove. Give me a violent storm that fuels my passion and creativity. Give me a cold front moving in that heralds a coming holiday that will bring my family back to me for a while. But this stifling sameness day after day I find too steady and reliable. Last night Joe was outside enjoying a frigid beer and watering the lawn and shrubs in front of our house. I wandered out there just because I enjoy talking with him and being together. I wondered as I stood there...what would I notice if I were one of those people who really like summer time? And I just stood there and savored it all. The fact that I was barely dressed. The greenness of the grass and the warmth of the breeze. The people out walking and the happy faces of the dogs walking with them. I should probably try conscious appreciation more often and in more places/situations.

So today is a holiday. Tomorrow is Joe's birthday. I am waiting for him to tell me what he would like for dinner. I have some studying to do. We are working on the neurological system of the body. The amount of organic chemistry we are learning blows me away. My brain just wants to skip over all the details of that and I have to force myself to really concentrate and then committing it to memory is its own unique challenge. Fortunately there are a lot of resources online for learning A&P, and so far I am doing really well. I have had people in class approach me to ask for my help, which makes me laugh. But I share the websites I use with them and tell them how I study. We'll have a study group here next weekend, as the week after we have another lecture exam and lab practical back to back. I went to class a little bit later than normal this past Wednesday and wound up with a seat further back in the class than I usually have. It definitely made a difference, both in terms of the kinds of students sitting there....lots more joking, nudging and whispers...and in my own energy level and focus. I will be making sure I am there plenty early from here on out. Competition for the front seats is fierce and I have to pretty much get there an hour early to get a front seat or second row seat.

I hope everyone has a happy Fourth of July. Enjoy your families!

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