Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Long Night

Part of my new life as an RN involves learning somehow to become a night person. As the granddaughter of farmers, naps were right up there on the top of the list of self indulgent sins, so this is going to take some adjusting. I am practicing tonight staying up as late as I can. Believe me, if it is 9:30 PM and I am holding still, I am starting to fall asleep. And usually I am up somewhere between 5 adn 6:30 AM on a regular basis. My entire life has to be reversed. 

I find it ironic that as I am finding things to do (and avoiding the last of the dinner dishes still on the counter), that the movie My Sister's Keeper is on cable. I just happened to be reading the book the day we learned Joseph had relapsed. The movie has been out a long time and I have wanted to see it, but it just has never seemed the right time. I knew I'd cry a lot and knew it would hit close to home. It can be hard to know if I want to experience that in the company of others or all by myself. I guess Fate decided for me. It is on now, the first night I am up alone. So I let my tears fall all on their own, by myself and I am okay with it. It centers me and draws the world down to the lowest common denominator. I suppose that is a gift Joseph keeps giving me. I cannot think of him without being brought into deep clarity on what matters and what does not. And there are times that nothing keeps me awake more than the intense knowledge of those things.