Another Easter morning, this one kissed with a cool breeze and overcast skies.
Years have gone by. I am no longer shocked by the depth of sorrow and no longer fight the quiet presence of hope on this day. The world is a heavy place, not just for me, but pretty much for everyone. I am not unique in my pain nor my sorrow nor my burdens. There are other losses and heartbreaks, more of them than there are people in this world. There are just as many beauties to the earth as there are heartbreaks and sometimes my mind is more drawn to one or the other. Their mutual existence, which for so long confused and angered me, no longer does so. I have learned to live in a state of unknowing and have come to internalize that it really doesn't matter if I understand. I don't have to understand. I just have to trust and when I cannot trust, I have only to follow my internal guide of what is right. I am only here a short time and I can only do what I can do, which is small in scale and personal in nature. I am grateful I have an outlet for my grief and glad I have a quiet faith that things will not always be this way. Among the brokenness of this world there are many perfect gifts. I pray the years continue to draw my focus to the wonders of the small things, to cherish the simple things, to trust in childlike faith and to serve the marginalized and the hurting with love, grace and humility. I pray for the well being of my family and friends, that they have inner strength for the challenges that will without fail touch each of them over time and I pray they have a peace inside to reach into to warm themselves when the evil in this world leaves them cold. I pray more than anything that the way I treat people and the way I live reflects kindness and love and I pray for forgiveness when I fail. I pray I embody the hope that I too hope to find. Some days I wish so hard that it were my time. On those days I hear the patient whisper in my heart of "not yet. You have more to do". And I lean into that and look for opportunity.
Happy Easter to all and to my Joseph. I look forward to seeing you again and I miss you every day.