Sunday, July 1, 2007

Sunday morning

I am up down up down up down. Remember the algebra test I was wigging over? Did I post here I was wigging over it? Because I was. Wigging. Massively. Sick to my stomach wigging. I guess all that wigging paid off because I made a 100% on the exam. Me. The Girl Who Sucks At Math. That is my official top secret superhero title. I may have to drop it soon. It may need to be changed to The Girl Who Cries About Good Math Grades In The Car.

On the other hand, I wiped pretty badly on my biology lab pratical with a 78%. Meh. Not good. I comfort myself (but only slightly) that I was one of the higher grades in the class and the only one in my lab group to pass. I obviously was not wigged ENOUGH about that one. I thought I would do pretty good, but I had never taken a practical before and the whole set up just blanked me. Most of it was spent in an "oh sh*t!! Dammit I KNOW this!" state of misery. But I didn't think I did as badly as I did. It had me in quite a funk for a while yesterday.

Joe is trying so hard to get the fence done. I got the giggles for a while yesterday because literally every time he went out to work on it, it started raining. He'd come back in and a minute or two later it would stop. He'd go back out...started raining. This happened enough times that it was truly amusing. I kept hoping he would give up and work on painting the kitchen. He did make us the most incredibly delicious ribs and sausage on the grill last night. Alex was quick to let him know he needed to save the leftovers and not throw them out. It was cute.

I am going to the movies with Mom today and just out to bum around in general. I feel stressed about it...there is so much to do in the house and so much studying to do. But I know I need some balance and I am looking forward to the leisure time. Joe is going to take care of the boys. I hope they behave. They all do so well together but I am always afraid Joe is going to go running off screaming into the night when they fight. But interestingly after the initial shock of Joseph's death wore off, they fight less now. It took them a while I think to figure out how their relationship would work without Joseph in the middle of it to buffer things. Not that he did that peacefully. It was more a Saddam Hussein method of keeping the peace. But keep the peace it frequently did.

I am going to shop for Joe's birthday which is this Thursday the 5th and I need to get a gift for my nephew, Zachary Joseph. He was born ten weeks ago and I have still not gone to see him. Shame on me, I know. But it is more painful than I could have possibly imagined and I am hard pressed in trying to understand why. I am afraid to see him..it is a genuine feeling of fear of pain. But it is past time. I ran into Stacey and Jacob (my brother's wife and oldest son) at Target last night. I forgot how much closer we live now. She was buying baby diapers. It just hurt down into my heart and a deep feeling of envy. Not because I want another baby (oh Hayull no!) but because they have three sons and I now have two. It is out of the order of the universe for me to have two. I don't wish they didn't have another one. I just wish I still did. Seeing the tangible change is hard.

Let's hope for less rain today and some good, drying sun.