Saturday, September 29, 2007

So. Another birthday has come and gone. Another year. So many changes in this past year, some absolutely horrifying and tragic, others the stuff of dreams that I wanted so badly I hardly dared pray for them to happen. 37 years old. Doesn't look so bad on paper. Sure can feel heavy here inside of me. I had a good day that new co-workers decorated my desk and everyone signed a card for me. Given that my birthday kind of came and went without acknowledgement at my last place of employment this touched me a great deal. The Cooper Clinic has really gotten it right in terms of valuing its employees and fostering a sense that the success of it is directly tied to the people they employ. I am so proud to be working there and so excited by all the things they are doing. Its an amazing place to work. I know every job comes with its ups and downs and I am in a honeymoon phase right now, but alread my stress level is so much lower than it was at my previous place.

Joe and I finally finished painting the kitchen today. Alex is off at a camp for kids with brain tumors, which should be educational for him, seeing other kids who did not fare as well as he has from their own tumor experiences. Frankly, other than missing his pituitary gland and needing a handful of pills every morning and night plus a shot of growth hormone each day, he got out of his 13 hour surgery virtually unscathed. We were warned about severe weight gain, mood and personality changes that would make him a virtual stranger, the potential for anger and criminal violence problems...all due to the area of the brain that his tumor was in. None of that has happened. I hope he has a marvelous time. I am trying not to worry about him too much.

Nick had den leader training this morning and a school social last night. He has a lot of friends but has convinced himself somehow that they only seem to like him because he is Joseph's brother. I tried to explain to him that Joseph has been gone almsot nine months now, and though that seems like not long at all to us, most everyone else has moved on. That even if people were nice to him at first because of Joseph, if they are nice to him now it is on his own merits completely. I hope he thinks about that and can understand it.

I am going to Canton for the day with some girlfriends to a huge outdoor flea market that happens once a month there. I am trying to look forward to it. A large part of me just wants to stay home and clean the kitchen. I know I need to get out. When they dont' invite and include me I get upset, but when they do, I try to find reasons not to go. I am a hard gal to please apparently. Joe is sending me off and not really giving me a choice. He had a list of things he wanted done today and we made serious headway and are both tired now. Right now it is hard ti imagine wanting to spend the day shopping tomorrow.