Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Suddenly my opportunities to think about and talk about Joseph in a healthy and healing way are everywhere. As this venture into fundraising for Heros for Children takes root, the chance to talk about him happen over and over again, both within my own family and with strangers. I got an email from Heros for Children yesterday stating they had seen Joseph's picture on the fundraising page and were struck by his beauty and by how much money we have raised already (just under $700) and inviting me to tell them Joseph's story. I wrote them a long email and attached more pictures of him. It brings tears, but happy ones, to get to talk about him, commemorate him in such a positive way and to know his life is still impacting the world. His story is going to be shared at their board meeting tonight.

I am struggling with despair about A&P. This is the last week of class. I have a 90.25% average in the lecture portion of the class and a 90.7% average in the lab portion. We have two quizes tonight, a lab practical on MOnday, the last lecture exam on Wednesday and an optional final exam on Thursday. This last portion is about the muscles and skeletal system. I feel like my brain is going to implode. Over 200 bones in the body and we have to know them all by memory. Over 700 muscles in the body and we have to not only know them by memory as well but also their origins (many have three or more), their insertions and what movements they are responsible for. I just feel like I am going to throw up. I have worked so hard and I do not feel like I have a good grasp on this last portion at all. I feel my A slipping away from me.

Joe and I took a day off from work to be together yesterday. We did a little bit of shopping (where he bought me some slacks for work and a new Liz Claiborne handbag), went to see The Dark Knight (great movie!), went on a one mile stroll together (sipping beer from a shared ice mug and sweating to death in the 104 degree heat). He took me out to lunch for soup and salad, then later that night make steaks on the grill for us, as we have been very very good and have not eaten any red meat in quite a while. We talked so much I can't believe our jaws are not sore and made sweet love before bedtime. For whatever reason I did not sleep well last night and have been up since about 4. He tossed and turned a lot too and I am thinking the steaks upset our tummies perhaps. I know mine does not feel so good right now.

Stewart and the boys leave on Sunday for a one week cruise to Mexico and Jamaica. The kids are so happy and excited. I am happy and excited for them, but worrying my fool head off about hurricanes and child molesters on the ship and about Alexander's medication, which he needs to stay alive from day to day. It'd be a real pickle if something happened to his med supply in the middle of the ocean. Stewart is giving an extra supply to his mom to hang on to in case something should happen (his whole family is taking the cruise together), which soothes me, but the worries still come to me in the middle of the night and whip me around until I am just a big knot. I know they will have fun. I do. They are going to Hell Island and can't wait to send me a postcard from Hell. They are going to get to swim with and feed the sting rays there. More worries for Mom, but plenty of excitement and adventure for them. I remind myself constantly that things are going to be fine and they are going to come home with stories galore. I am going to take them shopping for some school clothes on Saturday. The summer is trucking by pretty fast. I have arranged to take a day off when they get back so we can go to Six Flags one more time before school starts.

Ugh. Time to get ready for work. Have a great day all.

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