Sunday, April 27, 2008

The concert (Jimmy Buffett) on Saturday night was far and away the most fun I have had at a musical event ever in my life. There was a spirit of whimsy and laid back energy that was so wholly freeing. We had a wonderful time. Tonight we went to my brother's house for burgers, hot dogs and wine. Being with my family feeds my soul. Every time I spend time with them, I feel another part of me heal.

Joe and I did some shopping today. We are getting the countertops redone in the kitchen and are starting to make plans to revamp the master bathroom. We're trying to find some kind of a desk for him that doubles as an armoir or chest of some kind, so that he can put his work away and let it be truly over with when the work day is done, which can be tough when working from home. We went to Fry's to look at some computer equipment. While we were there, we walked down an aisle that was all about robotics. Next thing I knew, I was staring at boxes of robot kits for kids Joseph's age. The Lego Mindstorm stuff, which he wanted so badly. Robotic penguins and inchworms that you make yourself. The sort of thing he would have just enjoyed so much. Next thing I knew, I was breaking out in a sweat, felt like the walls were closing in, as if I could not breathe. I started dropping stuff and got foggy brained. The surprise of his death doesn't sneak up on me often anymore, but it certainly did today.

Nick is about to be taller than me. He is almost exactly my height now and will have surpassed me by the end of summer. It made me realize today that Joseph would be very tall now. I miss him horribly, and my experience in the store just about ended my day then and there. But Joe took me to Jeff's house to visit with my brother, and my aunt and uncle, Roger and Deana, and their daughter, Brady, who are in town to attend the concert with us. It helped so much.

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