Sunday, February 17, 2008

We are back. I have been slow to come here to update this blog, but getting back into school and readjusting to normalcy again has been pretty all-encompassing. I returned to class the day we got back, back to work the next day and yesterday Alex had a basketball game, so its been pretty busy.

I posted a few pictures from the cruise above. We had a WONDERFUL time. It was everything we hoped it would be...relaxing, romantic, fun and carefree. We saw some Mayan ruins in Progreso and smoked Cuban cigars in Cozumel..and of course there was much tequila and plenty of dancing. The ship was rough for most of the cruise, but neither Joe nor I had any trouble with motion sickness and it actually seemed to help us sleep really really well! We were super impressed with the ship, the staff, the food and the fun. I thought of Joseph only a little bit while we were vacationing and I felt very carefree and easy the entire time. Of course, it was all still here waiting for me when I came home and that has been a painful realization, finding I cannot get away from it. My heart hurts and on Friday at work I ached all over again like I did right after he died. But there is a softness and peace there too. Joe and I are so close...he knows most every nuance of my personality and we just have such a good life together. I know I am not alone and that helps more than I can say. I feel Joseph's loss so much more now, more every day it seems, but it is also getting easier to carry it with me and let it have its space. We went to a party at a friend's home last night and have a great time and we have been just doing the usual puttering and Sunday morning bonding today. I feel pretty much happy and that is great, not only to feel it but to be able to acknowledge it without the debilitating guilt. I am growing. The vacation was so good for me.

Alexander turned 10 on Valentine's Day. He wanted to invite his "girlfriend" (yes, the 8th grader!!) to go to the movies with us and to a chinese buffet afterward, so she and her Mom are joining us today to celebrate the full decade of life that he has achieved. My little punkin. I can't believe how big he has gotten. He is a light in my life and I love him so much my heart aches with it. He has survived more in his 10 years than many have to in a lifetime. He is a cancer survivor, defeated a brain tumor at age 5 and continues to amaze me with the many odds he has conquered every day as he continues to excel in school, sports and life. He inspires me every day. The pictures of him above range from just prior to finding his brain tumor up to present day. I have not figured out yet how to format here to put the pictures with the appropriate paragraph, so they just all stack up at the top!

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