Crossroads

The trees are up, the stockings are hung. I am really happy with how the decorating went this year. I had our annual Christmas tea on Sunday and it went exceptionally well. I have been tearful on and off since, just in gratitude for having such wonderful friends. Every woman needs girlfriends to balance out her life. I don't know where I'd be without them. The tree in the front window is Joseph's tree. I am happy we did that. I leave it lit 100% of the time.

I am stressed out and struggling, but finals are next week, so once I get through that hopefully everything will settle down and I can center myself some. I am doing okay, but now and then it comes upon me where we were this time last year. There is this sense of being inside a pressure cooker, with things getting tighter and tighter by my perception up through January 10th. I get knots in my stomach and feel ill. I go back and forth between having trouble eating and then eating wayyyyyy too much. I am afraid, though of what exactly I am not sure. I guess just having to face it has been a year since I have lost my son.

Andrew and his new wife are coming down to visit this weekend. The house is still clean from my party so I saved myself some angst on that front. Just pray I get through next week and that I pass. Then I can hopefully relax a little bit and enjoy Nick, Alex and Joe.