Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The term is almost over. Tomorrow morning I will take my final exam in Algebra and be done with school for a four week break. I am looking forward to that, though I admit I am really looking forward (oddly enough) to Statistics next term....the first class I am taking that will count toward my four pre-requisites that I must have in order to apply for the nursing program. I need a 78% or above to maintain the B average in my class on this final. I actually think I should be able to do that.. I hope so. This grade doesn't really count toward anything except getting me into Statistics, but the grade will affect my overall GPA, which could come into play if I am tied with another student for a place in the nursing program.

Alex and Nick are getting excited about Christmas. I can just sink into that...the smiles, the sense of wonder. We are going to do our annual cookie decorating this Sunday and Alex and I will be doing a gingerbread house together on Saturday night while Nick is at a lock-in with the Scouts. Alex takes growth hormone injections every day since he lost his pituitary gland to the tumor. For years he seems to have only grown small amounts. But lately, suddenly, his legs are longer and his face is maturing. The idea of him growing up and no longer being my little guy just breaks my heart, perhaps more than it would have before. Joe says I am just a walking exposed nerve right now and he is right. Everything tugs my heart. Everything brings the tears. The very thought of Nick and Alex growing, changing and becoming young adults fills me with pride and hope, but sorrow and loss as well. Am I destined now to turn into one of "those" mothers who cannot let go? I hope not. I would hate that about myself.

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