So it has passed now. The day itself was pretty hard. I took the day off work and then didn't know what to do with myself. Lots of aimless wandering of the house, trying to read etc. Jeff and Stacey sent me flowers and that was a nice distraction for a while. Both of my brothers sent me beautiful emails telling me they were thinking of me and of Joseph and that made me cry in a good way. Joe took me shopping for a dress for the cruise late in the day, and I actually was very grateful for something, anything, to get me looking forward. The actual hour of his death passed by without me realizing it and I was glad for that.
Since then I am dong okay I guess. I am struggling. I feel empty and raw. I am so tired and feel like I just want to go to bed and sleep a lot of the time. It feels like I was in a fight, just beaten head to toe, with achy muscles and fatigue and a sense of having come out the other side of something really horrible. I had some good time out with friends over the weekend and that helps. My Statistics class starts tomorow. I have to go buy the book today. I am glad the anniversary is over and now nothing looms except his birthday in May. That's a ways off yet and I am hoping I can re-center myself a bit. Joe and I have our cruise coming up. I have not had a vacation in a very long time and I am really looking forward to being in the sun, having time to read and just watching the ocean, maybe writing some.
Thank you for all your words of support, love and remembrance.